Career Consultant Gifts

"Why don't you become a boxer? Haha, just kidding!"

"I think you want Koreans advice"

'If I'm not mistaken that bloke was our careers master!'

To develop your career Doctor, you really need to specalise.. have you conciered nostrils..

"Sure, I'm vicious, scary and down right tall, however my biggest asset is that I'm a survivor!"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

'Now that I have your attention...'

"My email is down... talk to me."

British savings accounts

Golly, �1m a year isn't too much. I don't know why your shareholders don't understand you.

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

'The check is in the email attachment.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"Staff support"

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

"Everyone at Megadrug is committed to the benefits of spoken therapies, which is why we developed 'nitrazone' to enhance the experience."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Another job well done by your conflict resolution specialist."

Two children are running lemonade stands outside their home; one stand is more popular than the other.

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

Others will fight for you

'OK, team, let's review: when the arrow goes down, it means...?

'There's good news and bad news, J. B. - we now control 51% of this corporation's stock!'

Or as I prefer to call it, the 'feel-good' factor.

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"I guess it's ethical. Let me run it through my 'Ethics Check' app."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"Obviously some people here don't appreciate the gravity of our situation."

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."