Career Counselors Gifts

"I'm sorry, I always fall to pieces at interviews."

'Probably by the water cooler.'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"I see you have a master's degree and have served 73 unpaid internships. Do you think you're ready for a salaried job?'

Excellent academic and personal qualifications...but I'm afraid your womb lets you down!

'Mr. Handley here makes all the final hiring decisions.'

'Any other reason you want this job besides being quote: 'Deep, deep, unbelievably freakin' deep, in debt'?'

"I want to be an executive,sir, and have three hour lunch breaks."

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

"I'm afraid we don't have anything on the books that offers the 364 days off a year that you're looking for."

I'm very impressed with your resume. Especially the part about your inability to make decisions by yourself.

"I didn't get a job at the job fair, but I got a blue ribbon for best resume."

"Though it doesn't pay much and you don't walk upright, hey - at least you always get to go clubbin'."

"I like my job. It keeps me alive."

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"I'm just curious why you included a section in your resume that says 'The lost years...'"

Jenkins, Gridley, Pembroke & Wynn: Dysfunctional Behavior

We don't have a budget to redo the last guy's business cards, door placard, and so on, so would you mind assuming his identity in the meantime?

"There's something wrong with CareerBot. He keeps telling kids they can group up to be whatever they want to be."

Poster: Wessex Hunt Meets Here (job hunters)

'I was successful in meeting expectations by lowering them during the job interview.'

This is the ideal company in which to stretch yourself.

'Actually, I'm between reigns right now.'

"These days people focus too much on what the job might pay....but what price can you put on 'job satisfaction', on 'commitment'...on 'loyalty'?"

'No education, no skills, no experience, no character references... I'm afraid the only thing left for you is politics.'

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'