Career Counselor Fan Gifts

'Sorry Sir, but 'impersonating a log' is not a very marketable skill...'

Early career fair

"Staff support"

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'I don't know...they all look like cows to me.'

"I have 25 patients in my counselling group...Mrs Sherman, Mr Martin, and Mr Martins 23 other personalities."

Caged Businessman

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"My wife has always encouraged me... ...to quit this stupid dream and get a real job." ... "You have a wife?"

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)

"What's your occupation?"

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

'I'm afraid you've failed the Turing test.'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"Ok, so you got the worm. What are you going to do with the rest of your day?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"