Marriage Counselor Fan Gifts

'I buy you a book to help our marriage, and what do you do? You eat it.'

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

Husband apologising for losing his temper.

'Sharing the same skin-type is fine. But, as a basis for a stable marriage...'

'This chart shows every day you've been a good husband.'

Wife t-shirt; RE, hubby in bar: PENT: 'Oh-oh! My better half1:

'Your wife is so nice, John. No wonder you don't want to divorce her.'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"I want to divorce, we never talk any more!"

"I thought you were just going to the bathroom?"

"I think my wife is having an affair. She wants sex in the back of my car, but she wants me to drive."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"...until death do you a favor."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

Incompatible.

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."