Marriage Counselor Enthusiast Gifts

Not-quite-empty-enough-nest Syndrome

'No, the dog is fine...I'm looking for a husband whisperer!'

'You two should think about living in separate apartments.'

"He's not the frog I married."

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

'Harold doesn't have an ego problem. It doesn't bother him that he's inferior to me in every way.'

'Do you do trade-ins?'

'Herbert is an important cog in the machinery of my marriage.'

"I've never asked Ralph, but I think there's another woman."

'My wife doesn't understand me.' - 'You need new false teeth.'

"I don't know, Dave. I just think the spark has gone from our marriage."

"Is this a good time to lay down some rules?"

"Then just when I thought all my marriage problems were over, he started breathing again!"

"I want a divorce, we never talk any more!"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"...until death do you a favor."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!