Marriage Counselor Appreciator Gifts

Nothing to say! Wouldn't wanna hear about it anyway!

No, they're not divorced --- She said that's her "ox-husband."

You CAN change a man, but then they divorce you, remarry and the new wife reaps all the benefits.

"Look, if I'm coming across as uncaring and self-centred it's because my spin doctor wanted me to be that way!"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"...until death do you a favor."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

Wedding disaster #27.

Incompatible.

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"