Marriage Counselor Appreciation Gifts

"Why can't you read the paper at breakfast, like other husbands?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"...until death do you a favor."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Great Therapy!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

Incompatible.

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

"We don't talk anymore."

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'