Marital Counseling Gifts

"I'm sorry darling, did I just say, 'I hate you with every micro-fiber of my being'?"

'Our relationship would be perfect if it wasn't for you!'

"I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out this way."

'I'm finished with the towels so I left them on the floor. Now where can I leave my husband?'

'I didn't even know she was angry until she started shooting.'

"After being married to a princess for 15 years I decided to change back into a frog!"

'Oh, good, you convinced your husband to come in for counseling!'

'Look, can't you take it in turns to do the daily Sudoku?'

'I'm a perfectionist. I was perfectly happy when we were perfect strangers.'

"You never tell me anything. Keep up the good work."

"Have you considered telling each other to go to hell and getting a divorce?"

MARRIAGE COUNSELOR, 'Our biological clocks are in different time zones.'

'Is putting hostilities on hold over Xmas that hard. They even managed that during W.W.1.'

An indication that something is amiss...

"We don't talk anymore."

"Your domestic problems seem to be genetic due to the fact your parents reproduced."

"Are you trying to tell me something, dearest?"

"You've left me no choice. I'm calling in a Husband Whisperer."

'You mean you DON'T accede to his every whim!?'

'When did you start seeing all his endearing foibles as dreaded character flaws?'

'Have you considered telling each other to go to hell and getting a divorce?'

'Listen Martha, as my wife you shouldn't talk about your husband like that...'

"My husband says our marriage lacks spark."

'A real gentleman always carries an umbrella!'

'Tell me Jennifer, is there someone else?'

'Dear Henry, and dear Liza, for the sake of the relationship, just buy a new bucket!'

"I'm an expert. I've been divorced 7 times."

"Don't worry, we'll try plan B."

"Basically we hate each other."

"Aside from telling your daughter, 'I told you so', why are you here, Mrs. Sauer?"

"We always fight over the right way to hang the toilet paper."

"Forget the children, consider staying together for the sake of your finances!"

"I don't know whether to love you or leave you - but then that's the reality of arbitrage."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"If we are not going to talk about the elephant, can we for the love of God, talk about the rhinoceros!"