Marriage Counselling Gifts

'Don and I rarely fight. Then again, we rarely talk.'

"I don't hate him because he's black. I hate him because he's my husband."

'Come home to your family, Harold. You are ruining the Chippendale's.'

"He keeps moaning on about how he needs space!"

'We disagree about everything.' - 'No we don't.'

"I can only get words in edgeways."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

'Quite frankly, I don't know how this sweet, gentle, multi-millionaire husband of yours puts up with it.'

'-and she gets headaches every time the doorbell plays our tune.'

But I thought you two were living happily ever after!"

Drumming Wife's Head.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"...until death do you a favor."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'Great Therapy!'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'