Marriage Counselling Gifts

'Don and I rarely fight. Then again, we rarely talk.'

"I don't hate him because he's black. I hate him because he's my husband."

'Come home to your family, Harold. You are ruining the Chippendale's.'

'They completely exploded during the session, so either of them should be eager to hire you. Remember, I get 10 percent!'

"He keeps moaning on about how he needs space!"

'We disagree about everything.' - 'No we don't.'

"I can only get words in edgeways."

'The sole reason I haven't talked to my wife for five years, is that I was too polite to interrupt her...'

'Quite frankly, I don't know how this sweet, gentle, multi-millionaire husband of yours puts up with it.'

'-and she gets headaches every time the doorbell plays our tune.'

But I thought you two were living happily ever after!"

Drumming Wife's Head.

Invisible couple's therapy - 'I don't know what I ever saw in him.' 'Same here.'

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."