Attending Marriage Counseling Gifts

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

'Any chance of a drink while she's sorting out the taxi fare?'

Marriage Guidance

"We argue a lot about money - her library fines, my antique car collection. . ."

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"...until death do you a favor."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

'Great Therapy!'

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"I traded his corncob pipe and his button nose for a buttoned lip, and things couldn't be better."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'

Incompatible.