Marital Counselors Gifts

"I wish you'd be more supportive of my efforts to divorce you."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

'Do you think it might be possible that what you wear could be a contributing factor to your relationship problems?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We first met on the net. We began to court, but between my foul mouth and Wilson being on the rebound...let's just say it was a long shot, but he pressed, and I was defenseless. Now, we're as 'hoopy' as can be."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Try Mediation

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"I need him to stop think and start listening."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"...until death do you a favor."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

"She just takes things too seriously in our relationship."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

'Great Therapy!'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"My wife complains that I'm cold and self-serving."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

Wedding disaster #27.

Incompatible.