Marriage Counselor Enthusiast Pillows

Not-quite-empty-enough-nest Syndrome

'No, the dog is fine...I'm looking for a husband whisperer!'

'You two should think about living in separate apartments.'

"He's not the frog I married."

'Harold doesn't have an ego problem. It doesn't bother him that he's inferior to me in every way.'

'Do you do trade-ins?'

'Herbert is an important cog in the machinery of my marriage.'

"I've never asked Ralph, but I think there's another woman."

'My wife doesn't understand me.' - 'You need new false teeth.'

"I don't know, Dave. I just think the spark has gone from our marriage."

"Is this a good time to lay down some rules?"

"Then just when I thought all my marriage problems were over, he started breathing again!"

"I want a divorce, we never talk any more!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

"...until death do you a favor."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'... And it's been ages since he last swashed his buckle!'