Couples Counselor Aficionado Pillows

"After 20 years of marriage, don't you think it's time you stopped calling your husband 'that Harold person'?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

She - Interpreter - He.

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

Incompatible.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

Personal Relationship Counsellor

"See how controlling he is?!"

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

A woman thinks of flowers and a man thinks of a prison cell.

"You see?"

'Sharing the same skin-type is fine. But, as a basis for a stable marriage...'

"Whose turn is it to be happy?"

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

"You're both miserable wretches, but I suppose that's beside the point."

"I thought I could change him but he's the same dog he's always been."

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"