Couples Counselor Aficionado Pillows

"After 20 years of marriage, don't you think it's time you stopped calling your husband 'that Harold person'?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

She - Interpreter - He.

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

Incompatible.

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

'Mona Lisa, would it make you happy if I gave you a foot massage every night?'

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

'Typical bloody man, you've no idea what loyalty means...it's just self, self...self!'

"See how controlling he is?!"

Personal Relationship Counsellor

A woman thinks of flowers and a man thinks of a prison cell.

"You see?"

"The words 'complete screwball' are not in my vocabulary."

'So, when did you first realise that you fancied me rotten?'

"Whose turn is it to be happy?"

'First, I'll give you my side of the story...then, the wimp will give you his...'

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

'I wonder if you'd go out with me. I've always wanted to go to couples therapy.'

'Sharing the same skin-type is fine. But, as a basis for a stable marriage...'

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

"You're both miserable wretches, but I suppose that's beside the point."

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

"I thought I could change him but he's the same dog he's always been."

"This now concludes our broadcast day."