Couples Counselor Pillows

"Talk to me, Alice. I speak woman."

Silent Fight #8997

"Don't be too upset. If we were meant to have good sex, we probably would have married other people."

"So my last suggestion wasn't much help, then?"

"I had no idea a sexless marriage would involve so much reading."

"You see?"

"I can't remember which one of us is me."

"You see son, life is about pursuing happiness. Once you find it, hide it real good before you get married and your wife finds it, chokes the life out of it, and laughs in your face like a jackal."

"He somehow managed to show up for this, but the rest of the time I can never find him!"

"I think it's time I left Mr. Right!"

"Well, excuse ME if I still don't understand what makes my self-delusions pathetically juvenile and yours so noble!"

"Politics is ruining your marriage? I can help...I'm a registered Independent!"

"What we need here, is negotiation!"

Symbiotic Relationship Counselor

Why Running Away Together Is Not a Very Good Idea...

"He's already got a hobby, he collects blondes."

"What's happened to us, when we first met we just clicked, now it's drag, pinch, swipe..."

"He's been having an illicit affair with his money for years."

"I don't ignore her. I just can't hear her calling my name."

"Someone cut your brake lines. I can fix that, but it's up to you to patch things up at home."

Interpreters.

"But it's not just him, no-one seems to listen to a word I say."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"You've lost me, Roger. Are you talking about us, yourself, or climate change?"

"Whose turn is it to be happy?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Well, Janet, it sounds like it's important to Ed, so maybe you could pay attention to how he did on every hole for at least the front nine."

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

"See how controlling he is?!"

"Clifford and I love New York, but all we seem to have for each other is mutual respect."

"O.K., the question is, how can we improve our relationship without spending more money."

"He and I connected physically, spiritually, emotionally, financially, humorously, technologically, and self-destructively."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"