Couples Counselor Fan Gifts

"Mort tells us he used to be a bold man."

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

She - Interpreter - He.

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

'We never go anywhere together except here.'

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

Duvet nailed to the floor.

"See how controlling he is?!"

"You see?"

A woman thinks of flowers and a man thinks of a prison cell.

'My outer self loves your inner self, but my inner self can't stand your outer self.'

"Whose turn is it to be happy?"

'Sharing the same skin-type is fine. But, as a basis for a stable marriage...'

The golfer apologized for all his affairs. The governor regrets all his affairs. So does the former presidential candidate. I don't get the abstinence until marriage idea. Shouldn't it be abstinence AFTER marriage?

"We never talk about anything. 'Me Tarzan, you Jane. Me Tarzan, you Jane.' That's all he ever says."

"After 20 years of marriage, don't you think it's time you stopped calling your husband 'that Harold person'?"

"You're both miserable wretches, but I suppose that's beside the point."

"Yeah, well it hurts when you stab me with your words."

Interpreters.

Man sleeps instead of reading 'The Art of Listening.'

'It'll get better, Vinny - my marriages always have a bad first quarter.'

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

"They're going through a bitter marriage."

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

"Yes, this is exactly how wars start—because of someone's insensitivity!"

"I thought I could change him but he's the same dog he's always been."

Evolution of love

'Don't you be dissing the Ho' now!'

"True, you have irreconcilable differences, but they're mainly about flossing."

Early career fair

'Well, if I'm being honest, I think he's a raging narcissist.'

Arguments Won: Her and Him.