Couple Counselor Gifts

'There you are, sir - Would you also like to purchase a maintenance agreement?'

A woman thinks of flowers and a man thinks of a prison cell.

"I thought I could change him but he's the same dog he's always been."

Five star rating

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"You've changed."

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

Relationship Warning Lights

"We'll always have couples therapy."

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

She - Interpreter - He.

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"...until death do you a favor."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

'I find that a live rhinoceros rather than an invisible elephant speeds things up considerably.'