Couples Counsellor Gifts

"And just like that, Facebook is giving us ads for used cars, optometrists and couples counselling."

"True, you have irreconcilable differences, but they're mainly about flossing."

"We decided to stay together for the kids. They're the only ones who know all our login info."

"Would you mind if my new friend Ted joins us?

"This could be the marriage all our other marriages were for!"

"It's as though everything nice about you had been just some kind of introductory offer."

Love. . . Anger. . . Resentment.

"This now concludes our broadcast day."

"So I says to your husband, 'Mr. Blanchard, go home to your wife.' To which he retorts, 'You go home to her.' Ergo my presence."

"The weird thing is, this all started when we argued about who loved who most!"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"Have you tried binge-watching a show together?"

"Before you chop off my head, don't you think we should see a counsellor?"

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

Three gates of hell: marriage counseling, investments, company meetings

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

Relationship Warning Lights

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

'The problem is, she's so damn crabby.'

"We'll always have couples therapy."

Too much togetherness can lead to unexpected problems.

"Well, you both sleep eighteen hours a day, so try to coordinate this to find a window for some quality time together..."

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"...until death do you a favor."

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

She - Interpreter - He.

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."