Careers Counselor Gifts

'...it may be advisable to think of a referee other than your mother.'

Career Guidance Office '...then again, what do I know; look where I work.'

'Your tests indicate that you have a very short attention span -- you should be either a short-order cook or a news anchorman.'

"My main goal in life is taking laziness to an insane new height."

The Circle of Life: "Have you considered becoming a careers advisor?"

'I want to be a weatherman or a pundit. They never have to be right all the time.'

'Your tests indicate that you have a very short attention span -- you should be either a short-order cook or a news anchorman.'

'My job goal is political aide. I majored in finger pointing.'

'OK Tom, besides being a serial killer, do you have any other ambitions?'

'And why do you think you'd make a good linguist?'

"Criminal masterminds have to do better at maths, Abercrombie."

Careers Counsellor

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Do you have any other skills?

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

Caged Businessman