Careers Adviser Gifts

'...do I want to risk putting up with someone like me?'

'I imagine you're interested in one of the more highly visible occupations?'

Danae's Celebrity Career: 'I don't know where to begin in deciding what I want to be when I grow up...I want people to shut and leave me alone, and I need lots of attention, so...'

Career Guidance Office '...then again, what do I know; look where I work.'

Guidance Counselor's boxes, 'push'--'shove'.

"So you're looking for a well paid, non job - how about trying a government quango?"

A student writes on the blackboard in very bad handwriting - 'Johnny, if you don't improve your handwriting... there's a good chance you'll become a doctor!'

"I'm interested in working with animals and deliveries."

Bill gates sees his college adviser...

'Fred, did you ever ask yourself where are you going to be twenty years from now?'

"Maybe politics was a bad career choice for me."

'Nobody ever said that being a youth pastor would be EASY.'

'I'd like t be either a psychiatrist or an author.'

'First off, there is no 'y' in resume.'

"I want to be a Jockey."

"Your father would be able to afford to send you to a good college if only he had listened to me when he was your age!"

...becoming a restaurant critic

"And without shaking yourself, where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Are you an ambitious, dynamic go-getter?"

"I'd say you're ideally suited to be a solicitor, Mr Henshaw Henshaw Hanshaw and Spratt."

"You're loud, egotistical and not particularly funny. . . why don't you go for a career in television?"

'I reckon you'd make an excellent door-to-door salesman!'

'I want to go into farming,sir the idea of sowing wild oats sounds fascinating!'

'Let's put 'ballerina' to one side for the moment...'

'You'd never make it as a train driver - how about replacement bus service driver?''

''Where do you see yourself in five years'? That's a stupid question! You know darn well I'll be finishing 5-years of a 25-year sentence!'

'Career-wise, Pinocchio, I think you'd do well in politics.'

'If ever you had worked, at least we'd know what job you were out of.'

'Are you actively seeking celebrity status?'

'Times have changed. Now you need a degree just to end up living in your parents' basement.'

'I'm on a great career path that never leaves my apartment.'

'I'd like something that would sound impressive to woman.'

'Have you considered opera?'

Secretly, She's Always Hated Young Adam Kassan.

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"