Careers Officer Gifts

'I want your job, now!' (man pointing gun at careers officer).

"I think you want Koreans advice..."

'Well I am only human' (HUMAN RESOURCES)

I've always wanted to quit while I was ahead but the opportunity never presented itself.

Businesswoman Empowerment

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Make a lot of money."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

Inclusive speech

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Go! Means NOW!

Beware the Dog: 'Hopefully I'll grow into the job...'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

Do you have to write the 5 paragraph essays to be a rich investment banker? Or rock star? Or famous actress? No. No. And no. Then why learn to write one? So when those jobs don't work out

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"The boss can see you now."

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

All Hail the Matriarchy

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

Glass Ceiling

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'