Careers Officer Pillows

'I want your job, now!' (man pointing gun at careers officer).

"I think you want Koreans advice..."

'Well I am only human' (HUMAN RESOURCES)

Businesswoman Empowerment

'You see, Brad, I'm not just a highly polished career woman.'

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Make a lot of money."

"That's our house, that's Mommy going to work, and that's you, staring out the window, wondering where it all went wrong."

Inclusive speech

"Do you promise to love, honour and contribute to the gross national product?"

Go! Means NOW!

'I've already been recruited by one of the top fast-food chains in the country!'

Beware the Dog: 'Hopefully I'll grow into the job...'

'Can you do more work then is humanly possible?'

'All those in favor of having anchovies on our pizza will signify by saying aye.'

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"My preferred pronoun is they."

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"That arrow always goes to the bottom when I walk by."

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

"The company is very keen on diversity, could you reapply as a woman?"

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"Your resume says that you've got your Ph.D., your M.B.A. and that you've worked as a C.F.O. and C.E.O. but that your most important title and position has been M.O.M.?"

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

Glass Ceiling

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

"The boss can see you now."

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."