Careers Counsellor Pillows

"Let's face it Simkins, the only way you'll ever get to medical school is by donating your body to science."

Careers Councellor

"Have you considered the option of being chopped up into small pieces and chargrilled in a mid range restaurant?"

"Staff support"

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

The secret of living happily ever after....Do it alone.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

Couples' therapy

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Do you have any other skills?

"You can't possibly know how I feel. Everybody likes you."

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

Caged Businessman

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."