Career Counseling Pillows

Guidance Counselor - Hunting/Gathering.

"I'm an idealist - I'd like to make my pile at a non-profit organization."

'Your excuses for not doing your homework are excellent. How about a career as political apologist?'

World's Second Oldest Profession: Career Counelor - "Have you considered prostitution?"

"Ironically, I used to be a fundraiser."

'This shouldn't take long - All we've got is hunting and gathering.'

Career Analyst "Well I've looked at your file and yes, your job is rubbish"

There's not a lot of call for 'serial' kid.

'And why do you think you'd make a good linguist?'

'If I ever get my hands on that stupid career counselor....'

"You have no scruples whatsoever, and would hack into people's emails, tax returns...have you considered a career as a political advisor?"

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

Work/Life Balance

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Do you have any other skills?

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

"You knew this was a soul-sucking job when you took it."

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.