Career Counselor Seeker Pillows

So what should I do? What? I'm stuck in the service industry. What should I do? I don't have a graduate degree or a ton of marketable skills. You're asking my opinion? I've had no advance warning, no indication that you – my arch-nemesis – would be coming to me, hat-in-hand, genuinely seeking my counsel. Where do you get off? Sorry I asked. Don't you dare back out now, not after imposing on me like this!

"Staff support"

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"I still haven't decided if I want to be unemployed as an English major or as a Communications major."

"Fill out an application? Can't I just text it?"

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"So...what are you doing after you graduate?"

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

"Have you and Tim picked out a name for the career obstacle yet?"

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"Work hard, make the sacrifices and in 25 years you could be just like me!"

"Some advice please...How do I squeeze 9 days work into 5 and still see my family?"

'So Kyle - have you considered the challenges of van driving?'

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Bob doesn't do well in job interviews, so he hired me. I'm a professional actor who specializes in these situations."

'You lack the expertise we're looking for, Mr Wheaton - but darn it, I like your attitude.'

I'm over-educated and under-employed. That's why there's no MIDDLE class anymore.

First you're a law student, then you're a lawyer, then you're a judge, then you're a politician, then you're a criminal.

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

Caged Businessman

"Typical company, I'm the only woman!!"

'If you take this job, you will need child care... that's my second job.'

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

'Thanks for the promotion offer but I was hoping to sleep my way to the top..'

'You say you're willing to start at the bottom...'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

"What's your occupation?"

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'I'll be a responsible and mature asset to the company, as proven by the lack of asinine photos of me on Facebook.'

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"