Employment Law Expert Gifts

'You can't start a job interview with 'How are you ?' It's a veiled inquiry into my general health.'

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"We need a union!'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'If someone sent an email and the National Security Agency did not spy on it, would it still be an email?'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

Jaws 3 - The Litigation

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

"Your employees have lost faith in your ability to pretend to care about them."

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

"My conclusion that he lied was based on his body language, his polygraph results, and the complete implausibility of his story."

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."

"Or perhaps we could just have them wear these 'M-for-Muslim' patches...."

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

"I'll leave the door open and the hallway light on, but you're much too old to need an attorney in your room."

"Watch out for Donlan. He came back from Tokyo with a black belt in collective bargaining."

The relationship between you and your employer is not one of equals....Being in a union fixes the imbalance!

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'