Employment Law Aficionado Gifts

'We'll save a fortune in employment tribunals.'

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'I request an postponement, Your Honor -- I have to study for my bar exams.'

"Your Honor, we're going to go with the prosecution's spin."

'Ignorance of the law is no excuse, especially when you're majoring in Law.'

"You can't prove that I broke it! Where's your physical evidence? Fingerprints or a DNA profile?"

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

Ruth Bader Ginsburg - Forever Supreme

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"Sorry, kid. No off-campus drinking until you're twenty-one."

"We've also been given ten top employment law tips."

"We need a union!'

'As a CEO, I stand up for our rights. You've got the right to work 17 hours a day and if you don't do it, I've got the right to fire you.'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

'Wow! I never before saw such a strenuous objection.'

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

Violent Crime Statistics

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

"The ignorance of the lawyer is no excuse."

'You got a search warrant, sheriff?'

Musuem. Galileo did an experiment by dropping cannonballs from the Tower of Pisa. I wonder what he discovered? Personal injury lawsuits!

Ian McWit, Attorney at Law, Body by Joe's Gym, Mind by Harvard.

Lady Justice.

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

"...And the court awards you twenty five thousand for the loss of faculty in your right arm."

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

Lady Justice wears a blindfold, but listens through headphones to a tape recorder on one of her scales.

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'Remember - do not try to plant the seeds from these apples. They're intellectual property, and they're copyrighted.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'I thought he was joking. I didn't think my husband would really turn me in to the FDA!'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the jury, my client blah blah...."