Employment Law Nerd Gifts

Age discrimination in job recruitment.

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'As a CEO, I stand up for our rights. You've got the right to work 17 hours a day and if you don't do it, I've got the right to fire you.'

"We need a union!'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

Beware of the Legislation

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

"Watch out for Donlan. He came back from Tokyo with a black belt in collective bargaining."

'I didn't do the paper work necessary for you to get paid because I figured you don't need the money since your husband also works.'

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

'There, but for the grace of an ironclad contract go I.'

'Apparently Wednesday is early conciliation day.'

'I'm an equal opportunities employer, Mr Moore, but I would expect you to shave before an interview.'

'… and I'm not sure what you're insinuating here Mrs. Collins, but we hired Ms. Tiffany here based on assets applicable to the job.'