Employment Law Nerd Pillows

Age discrimination in job recruitment.

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'As a CEO, I stand up for our rights. You've got the right to work 17 hours a day and if you don't do it, I've got the right to fire you.'

"We need a union!'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

Beware of the Legislation

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

'I agreed to guide you, My contract says nothing about pulling a sleigh,'

'right, make sure any new companies we acquire have an ageing workforce'

When collective bargaining is outlawed!: 'To work here, you have to wear this metal collar!'

'How can the employees accuse me of running a sweatshop? Don't I let them go home after midnight?'

'Here's a signed statement from Vince Cable saying we can get rid of underperforming employees more easily.'

'I take it you're looking to some extra hours!'

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

"How come politicians don't earn mimimum wage. If anybody does minimum work, it's them."

"Watch out for Donlan. He came back from Tokyo with a black belt in collective bargaining."

A throng runs out the courthouse to follow a car that is driving away decorated with a sign that reads "Just Acquitted".

'I didn't do the paper work necessary for you to get paid because I figured you don't need the money since your husband also works.'

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

'There, but for the grace of an ironclad contract go I.'

'I'm an equal opportunities employer, Mr Moore, but I would expect you to shave before an interview.'

'Apparently Wednesday is early conciliation day.'

'Have you not noticed that our legal department is crawling with lawyers!'