Employment Lawyers Gifts

'I'd also like to welcome Henderson here, who joins us through Equal Opportunities for the undead.'

'We don't discriminate per se - we just don't hire Lyle Lovett lookalikes.'

Johnson, Johnson, Johnson, Johnson & Johnson An Equal Opportunity Employer.

Shorter Working Hours Now!

Worker's Rights

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

Recruiting litigation lawyers is ALWAYS tricky..my last one took me to court for the emotional and professional damage I caused him by NOT considering him for a position I wasn't asked to fill.

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'Inevitably, I come to work early, leave late and alienate everyone.'

"We need a union!'

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

"Boss... I just read an article about trans-humanism. Apparently, sometime in the next 50 years, it will become possible to live forever."

'Enough is enough. We're sick of being overworked and underpaid.'

Your position has been outsourced, Blue bottle...if you wish to continue working for us...may I suggest relocating and taking a 600 pay cut.

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

Dolestart - A New Initiative

Employer surrenders to case loads of workplace disputes and claims.

'Where's the fun in being an employer if you can't spontaneously sack someone anymore.'

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'It's a suitability test I give all flexible working requests.'

'Your employee is either guilty of 'gross misconduct' or 'gross negligence'... you can't start disciplinary procedures on the basis that he is just 'plain gross'.'

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'You were fired from your last job when they caught you putting artificial sweetener in your coffee.'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

Personnel. Now, I want you to forget everything you learned in school. I'm way ahead of you!

"The law is an ass...employment law, however, is an asset."

The Picture of Dorian Gray's Soul.

'The firm is downsizing, Oglethorpe -- tell everybody to scrunch up.'

"We don't need no stinkin' unions...I saw it on the internet."

'Let me get this clear. You want me to give you paternity leave before the baby is born.'

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

"Ha! Today we informed the boss about our rights!"