Employment Lawyer Pillows

'For some strange reason personnel want us to review our equal opportunities employment policies!'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'You'll like it here, Clayton. In fact it's one of our rules.'

'We need to get an equal pay expert in...'

'I believe the courts have recently ruled that asking questions of an applicant, during an interview, is illegal.'

'We like to greet our Regulatory Compliance hires with one word - help.'

Age discrimination in job recruitment.

'We'll save a fortune in employment tribunals.'

'The next disciplinary committee might not be so lenient.'

'I can't remember whether I'm retiring or training today!'

'Now...let's have our little talk and avoid a tribunal.'

'I'd like to request flexible working to avoid my family.'

'I was just giving her a few examples and she passed out.'

'I've had a ramp installed.'

'You're a credit to this firm, Miss Button and through no fault of your own you're also a liability.'

'Unfortunately my staff are now all working flexitime.'

'Tell me do we actually employ anybody who isn't a protected species ?'

'Conduct dismissal was what I had in mind...but it's just too damned complicated.'

'I don't think the employment tribunal will be altogether happy with the third column.'

'I didn't do the paper work necessary for you to get paid because I figured you don't need the money since your husband also works.'

'How do you like THAT disparate impact?'

'We've been sacked!' (Employment tribunal)

"Good luck with your interview. And remember, they can't discriminate based on how many lives you have left."

'On reflection, maybe I shouldn't have threatened him with an unfair dismissal claim.'

Staff Cuts - "Why me and not you?"

"Just a simple test to determine whether you're self employed or not...What day of the week is it?"

Human Resources versus Other

"So that's agreed then, we don't need to make any changes to our equal opportunities employment practices!"

A crude holiday ?...If your client is so inclined, he should pay for it himself.

'I don't bloody believe it !'

'Is that Net or Gross ?'

'Another 3 eggs?? . . . That's 150 weeks paternity leave. . . just for today!!'

'You can't agree on who gets maternity or paternity leave...'

'I need time off to cycle to a vegan picnic at Stonehenge.'

'Would suit a school leaver...I am a school leaver, I left school in 1968!'