Job Dismissal Gifts

'One of you has had his fingers in the till...own up and the other can keep his job.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

It was getting worse. Bob's power suit kept wanting more and more, whereas Bob just wanted out.

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Danger Slow Sand.

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

Between Offices

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."