Job Termination Gifts

Surprise Party

'Power suits are great for up-and- comers. For you, I recommend the wrongful dismissal suit.'

"The only reason I'm firing you for your suggestion is because you signed yours."

"I gave you the axe. How dare you come back and use it to intimidate me."

"Looks like Jonesy got his walking papers."

'You remember Mr. Horton? You know, the one you said to give the 'clean desk' award to? -- you fired him three years ago.'

"Did the boss say why he fired you?"

'Wait a sec here! This is a parachute, but it's NOT golden!'

"The quicksand was corporate's idea. I wanted to fire you for going over my head. They wanted to send a message."

'Boy, it really frosts me when they manage to sneak in the last word right after I push the button!'

'Nepotism will no longer be an issue. I'm disowning you.'

"Edwin wasn't particularly good at interpreting female body language, but in this case it was easy."

A Fact.

Now that you're awake, pack up your stuff. -Your former boss.

"Take this with a grain of salt, Birnbaum, you're fired."

"We're very sorry, Doyle, but you've been here for twelve years, and the other temps are starting to talk."

"Chewing a pencil is impressive ... but I can't justify keeping you on."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

Very Difficult Conversations

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

It was getting worse. Bob's power suit kept wanting more and more, whereas Bob just wanted out.

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Danger Slow Sand.

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'