Job Discharge Gifts

"You were jumping for joy when you got discharged from the army."

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Surgery up here is free!"

It was getting worse. Bob's power suit kept wanting more and more, whereas Bob just wanted out.

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

Danger Slow Sand.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"The good news is that your cardiac surgery was a complete success. The bad news is that we had to remove the song from your heart."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"You had the power to leave all along - just click your heels three times, grab your coat, and sneak out without saying goodbye."

Between Offices

Kid with plaster cast being sawn off.

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'