Leaving Job Gifts

Leaving cards.

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'We bid a fond farewell to this quiet guy who worked hard and didn't make trouble..you know...what's his name.'

"Just go ahead. It's my last day here and I hate this place."

"...We've clubbed together to get you something as a token of our appreciation. I think the staples are included."

NHS whistleblowers leavers party.

'I'd feel like a hypocrite contributing to his farewell gift after firing him.'

'Before you get carried away with celebrating, Stapleton, I'd like to remind you that my retirement doesn't go into effect until five o'clock...and I'm still your supervisor.'

Good luck for the future.

"Good luck, Sanders. We're sure going to miss that little imitation you do of me at office parties."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

It was getting worse. Bob's power suit kept wanting more and more, whereas Bob just wanted out.

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

'Congratulations Smith, you got that promotion. Commiserations Reid, you got that demotion.'

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."

"What's the problem? We told you when you started you'd have to make some sacrifices."

"You had the power to leave all along - just click your heels three times, grab your coat, and sneak out without saying goodbye."

Maybe it's now time to review our customer care strategy!"

'A High-pain job? Yes, I believe we have that.'