Lost A Job Gifts

"Thank you for calling the unemployment office. No one can take your call right now, because we've all been laid off."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Danger Slow Sand.

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

Between Offices

"You had the power to leave all along - just click your heels three times, grab your coat, and sneak out without saying goodbye."

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."