Dealing With Job Loss Gifts

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, we've found someone online who's 25% better at being you for half the money!'

corporate scapegoat to sacrifical lamb

'So you've come crawling back.' - 'No, I'm drunk.'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

Danger Slow Sand.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

Between Offices

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

Fries and kids

"Ever since the layoffs, I feel like we've been doing the work of twenty clowns."

Robot arm shows charity to a laid off beggar.

"This just in — I no longer have a job."