Dealing With Job Loss Gifts

'I'm afraid we're going to have to let you go, we've found someone online who's 25% better at being you for half the money!'

corporate scapegoat to sacrifical lamb

'So you've come crawling back.' - 'No, I'm drunk.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

Very Difficult Conversations

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

Danger Slow Sand.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

Between Offices

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

St. Elmo's fired.

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

Fries and kids

Robot arm shows charity to a laid off beggar.