Surviving Layoffs Gifts

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

"Budget cuts...turns out you were the only one around here who ever did anything."

"It looks like I survived the downsizing."

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

"Congrats on surviving the cuts. You'll be doing the work of 147 people."

"You're the only one in this department who has survived the staff cuts. I can only advise you to do your job well, otherwise I'll have to fire you too, got that?"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

The breakup

"You're all hashtag summarily dismissed."

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

In Case of Emergency - Break Glass and take a BIG SWIG!

"Here's one I wrote myself. It's called 'Blues for the Guy I'm Laying Off.'"

The 12 Days of Covidmas

By camouflaging himself, Ed was able to avoid being a victim of the company's massive layoffs.

'Our employees agreed to be frozen until there's an economic upturn.'

'And if you become homeless due to this layoff, you can pitch a tent on my estate...'

'You do outstanding work, Nelson, but I'm afraid Higby makes me look better.'

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

Bob gets his walking papers.

"My wife thinks I'm out looking for a job..."

'It's day to day, but so far I've survived,'

'At least they offered us a severance gift card.'

'My boss said they might be laying off more people next week...what wine goes best with panic?'

Caption Contest

corporate scapegoat to sacrifical lamb

"What makes you think there are going to be layoffs."

'The golden parachutes are all gone. You'll have to settle for a golden lifejacket.'

Lucky Break

"Mr. Herman, you made me laugh and you made me cry, but you didn't make me money."

"Can I just flag my concerns viz the CFO's disempowerment situation re the projected counter-downsizing monies..."

'I'm letting you go.'

"I guess I thought 'non-essential employees' meant they were up for grabs. My bad."