Lay-off Survivor Gifts

"We're moving your job overseas because the Humane Society won't let us use monkeys here to do your work."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'Sorry, suffering from burnout return in a week.'

'Wake me up when he doesn't use a buzzword.'

"I feel your pain."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

A man is in an office, behind him is a glass box containing a glass and a bottle, there is a sign saying 'in case of emergency'

"You're doing great, only thirty-one more years to go."

"Wow - you say you're a workaholic, but your office says it's time for your vacation!"

"We should have taken the cubicles."

"Everyone seek higher ground! The paperwork is rising to a dangerous level."

'You can't fire me! -- This is a right-to-work state!'

Get Well Soon and Hurry Back to the Office. . . Before Sharks Eat Your Job

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

"I may be incompetent. But, if you fire me there'll be no one who knows less about this company than you."

Office Weather

Getting through the week.

"Granberry, you're about to suffer a near-death experience!"

"Miss Jones! Clear my schedule until I get this sorted out!"

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

Twisted Peel works overtime.

'Chin up, Simpson, it's for the good of the firm.'

"When everyone's an 800 pound gorilla, nobody's an 800 pound gorilla.".

Completely out of diapers and facing a seven-hour layover, Marsha happens upon a diaper scalper.

Exhausted employee

"I don't understand, having a pulmonary embolism isn't on his to do list!"

"That will be the gold standard by which all other naps are judged."

"Here, we realized it was not some awful fever dream."

"I hate when she drags herself to work. Am I supposed to feel guilty?"

With the mine closing down due to Emission concerns...somone had to shake their booty to keep food on the table.