Layoff Survivor Gifts

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'I'm letting you go.'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

"I'd like a week off without any business related e-mail on my home computer."

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

Completely out of diapers and facing a seven-hour layover, Marsha happens upon a diaper scalper.

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

With the mine closing down due to Emission concerns...somone had to shake their booty to keep food on the table.

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"We're a bit understaffed today, could you be 6 people?"

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

"You're all hashtag summarily dismissed."

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

'The attack will have to wait until tomorrow Congressman. Today is furlough day. . .'

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

"You're the only one in this department who has survived the staff cuts. I can only advise you to do your job well, otherwise I'll have to fire you too, got that?"

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

'Hold the Ferguson report. Ed's had enough information for the day.'

'You're overqualified... so you'll have to act stupid.!

'That's great, Bob, but I was just going to ask if you wanted anything from the deli next door.'

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'

They say you can't go home again. They ought to know. They own the company.

City Dump: Resumes.

Bob gets his walking papers.

"I'm just basking in the glow of my not screwing anything up today."

"Dear Helen, Freelance works remains lucrative, but stressful."

Careers Advice

You're lucky you took the buyout. I was downsized.

"I'm about as mainstream as you can get. I go to church, I'm all for the family, I hate Saddam Hussein, and I'm unemployed."