Job Search Survivor Gifts

'I'm afraid we can't hire you because of your salary requirements. You require one.'

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

Danger Slow Sand.

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"I believe you'll like our company. We pay our employees time and a fifth."

"I'm long term unemployed because jerks like you won't hire me!"

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

"You may have heard some very slanderous rumours about this company."

With the mine closing down due to Emission concerns...somone had to shake their booty to keep food on the table.

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

"We kiss a lot of frogs so that you find your prince."

"John, does this mean you've given up looking for work?"

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

'You're overqualified... so you'll have to act stupid.!

Virtual interview.

'Besides a great smile, do you have any other qualifications we could consider?'

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

"I love your enthusiasm but we were actually looking for someone who could do the job."

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'

City Dump: Resumes.

"Where do you see yourself in 5 to 10 years?"

Careers Advice

You're lucky you took the buyout. I was downsized.

Number two pencil, pretending to be a number one, fears that his deception has been uncovered.

"I'm about as mainstream as you can get. I go to church, I'm all for the family, I hate Saddam Hussein, and I'm unemployed."

"Dear Helen, Freelance works remains lucrative, but stressful."