Job Market Survivor Gifts

"It's a nightmare being a young person with a job - everyone keeps staring at me."

City Dump: Resumes.

The New Optimism

'I hereby sentence you to 40 years labor in an office with fluorescent lighting, just enough salary to keep you alive...'

"Which would you prefer? The demeaning job, the thankless job, or the dead-end job?"

'The boss told me there was a little something extra in my pay envelope this week. It was a pink slip!'

'I looked forward to retirement. Now, thanks to the economy, I'm looking at re-hirement.'

With the mine closing down due to Emission concerns...somone had to shake their booty to keep food on the table.

"There isn't much call for human cannonballs in .. "

'I'm Jeremy's father. I'm a computer consultant and I'm unemployed.'

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

Danger Slow Sand.

I feel better than ever physically but I'm totally obsolete at work. In life 60 is the new 40. In the workplace 40 is the new 60.

"I found the perfect summer job! 'Greet people at retail store. Company uniform required. Must be able to carry small children.' How hard can that be?"

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

'McWit Plumbing and Lite Puff Pastries.' The only way to survive in today's economy it's good to diversify.'

"Here, we realized it was not some awful fever dream."

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"Phew! I'm glad this part of the ride is over..."

'Am I glad to be back - austerity's gone mad out there!'

"'Can correctly complete a CAPTCHA image 8 our of 10 times.' Any other skills?"

"He told me I was a flip phone expected to do a smart phone job."

'Think of it as a buyout package, Bob...without the 'buy' and just the 'out'!'

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

"Help, I'm being micro managed."

'You're overqualified... so you'll have to act stupid.!

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

'Because in this economy you make a few compromises for job security.'

Coming out of the crisis

'What's job security like around here? Well, I wouldn't bother taking off my hat or coat.'

Jetsgo out of business.

'This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up.'

'Really?! You didn't get fired today, either?! That's 60 days in a row! I'm so proud of you!'

"Just when did you leave your last job?"