Experiencing Layoffs Gifts

"We've cut out a lot of unnecessary middle management, or at least I think we have... There's no one left in HR to do a headcount!"

"Look, Baldo! Whatever happens, we need to stick together!"

"By the way - My own last day is Friday."

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

Very Difficult Conversations

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

'It's my own fault. I never upgraded my skills. I was replaced by a man half my age with a more advanced smartphone and hundreds of productive apps.'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

'Let's see what the employment tribunal has to say about that, shall we?'

41 Rounds of Layoffs Survived

The breakup

'Times are tough, Smith, but I don't want to lay you off. So, to keep you working, I want you to wash our building. That should keep you busy for the next decade.'

'See, I told you - nobody's job is safe!'

"He used to be a senior fact checker at Meta — now he's just a pedant."

In Case of Emergency - Break Glass and take a BIG SWIG!

"Hey, at least you got a severance package."

You're Employment has been terminated -Smiley face lol

"Here's one I wrote myself. It's called 'Blues for the Guy I'm Laying Off.'"

"The good news is that I'm still here after the boss cut our department by 33 percent."

'I'm afraid we have to let you go. As you know, you're entitled to a 'Golden Handshake'...

"You're the only one in this department who has survived the staff cuts. I can only advise you to do your job well, otherwise I'll have to fire you too, got that?"

"Actually, this time we're not being asked to do more with less. Instead, we're being asked to do whatever we want, somewhere else, effective immediately."

'There's new evidence that my departure from my previous employer merely coincided with their brain drain.'

What Bob thought outside the box.

'You can stop worrying about job burnout.'

Musical Chairs...

'And if you become homeless due to this layoff, you can pitch a tent on my estate...'

'Our employees agreed to be frozen until there's an economic upturn.'

"Maybe we should've done layoffs after the holiday party."

"But I was told this was included in my severance package."

"They told me my parachute would be golden. Turns out it's pyrite."

"Just when did you leave your last job?"

'You do outstanding work, Nelson, but I'm afraid Higby makes me look better.'