Getting Laid Off Gifts

The breakup

"How funny …that notice is printed on bright white paper and yet they insist on calling it a pink slip."

"I'm sorry it didn't work out, too, but you will be getting a participation trophy."

"In an effort to increase productivity, we're replacing you with this lifeless, unthinking dummy."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

Danger Slow Sand.

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

Between Offices

"You're a great team player - so we're trading you."

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

St. Elmo's fired.

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."