Recent Job Loss Gifts

Graduate Joins the Unemployment Queue.

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"This is not permanent...we'll be back as soon as things start to look up."

"I figure if I was still employed, I wouldn’t get to spend all this time with you!"

"Sorry, we've found an app that's better at being you than you!"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

Very Difficult Conversations

"Lost my job. But I'm pretty sure it's around here somewhere."

'I can't believe I didn't get that promotion. So many people have passed me by I feel like a road sign on the highway to success.'

"...But of course we'll still be friends on Facebook!"

'Let's keep in mind that although quitters never win, they often manage to avoid litigation.'

"My career's in shreds, but on the bright side, so are my files."

Danger Slow Sand.

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

"Wait, you're firing me?! But I was Time magazine’s Person of the Year!"

"Dear, did something happen at the office?"

Between Offices

'Don't bother cleaning out your desk. We'll be hiring you back as a consultant for half the salary and no benefits.'

"They retired me. Just like that. Seems I'm no good over 55 mph anymore." "How does that make you feel?" "Like I want to bash my head against a wall!"

"Ralph's smart car not only drives better than he does, it also works better. So we fired him and hired the car."

'Don't worry about your job at the office, Sweetie. They declared bankrupty today.'

'I'm not worried about losing my job. I'm worried about keeping it.'

I.O.U. one pot of gold.

"We're all in the same boat, except it's more like a life raft than an actual boat."

"My boss had security escort me out of the office today. I'm worried this means I won't be getting a bonus."

'The golden eggs are great... but I need you to lay a golden parachute.'

"I used to think" if I don't go to work the world will fall apart. . . but it fell apart anyway."

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"How have you managed to keep your job?"

"I was downgraded to junk status at work today."

St. Elmo's fired.

"First the good news - one of us hasn't been made redundant."

"You're fired, Withron. I got a terrific deal on a handful of ballpoints."

"Pendleton, as of noon today your services will no longer be required. Meanwhile, keep up the good work."

Fries and kids