Job Seeker Struggles Prints

'From your resume I see that you are qualified but, in these economic times, we're considering only overqualified applicants.'

"I'm having trouble contacting your references. They're all in solitary confinement."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'Your resume is a little thin, but I like your willingness to be manipulated by upper management.'

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

"He might not have got the job with Google, but they weren't going to stop Brian skateboarding to the office."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'A depressing thought just came over me. Now we'll have to go out and get a job!'

How are you at decision making?

"I love you in a suit. You look so... employed."

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

Do you have any other skills?

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"I don't like your application."

'A short economics test - if you bought something for

"I'd like to TikTok your offer and get comments before saying yes or no."

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

Between Offices

In and Out Sourced.

'Do you do self-deprecating humour?'

You're next, Mr. Kimble - right after his apple danish.

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"We offer 104 vacation days...otherwise known as weekends."

'Now, remember...let me do the talking.'

"Can I multi-task? As a single mom I'm both the bread-winner and bread-baker!"

"Sorry, we don't hire people with a history of whistle blowing."

'I'll be honest with you. The pay isn't great.'

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

'I'll need more than I can spend.'

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.