Sarcastic Job Seeker Gifts

'If it's any consolation to you your job application's being recycled!'

Do it yourself books.

"You call this sweating bullets over the Jackson account? What caliber?"

"What's your occupation?"

"It raises trust issues, Mr. Kranse, when your very first question is 'what's the catch?'."

'Says here you can tear phonebooks in half? Well, security could use a man like you in our shredding department!'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

Bureau of the Damned

"Well, you certainly seem to have a lot to offer this company, and, of course, the truffles are a hell of a plus."

"What sets you apart from other candidates?"

Urine Catcher

'...we are looking for someone with great interpersonal communication skills.'

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

"We do price loyalty, but we were also rather hoping for a candidate who could read right and walk on two legs."

"The boss is mad at me. I did something really, really dumb today!"

"I work well independently. I usually correct all the problems I create."

'Make your wishes, but I can't promise anything regarding jobs.'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

'Man, I gotta find a new gig!'

"An MBA, a PhD, AND good at catching mice? Wow!"

'So far, so good -- I got a second interview!'

'Do you have any other references besides your mom and Santa Claus?'

'I can assure you Mr. Rumplestilkskin, weaving straw into gold is a skill we can certainly use...'

"It pains me to do this, but you're hired."

"You cleaned out your desk so efficiently you've been rehired and placed in charge of Housekeeping."

Man in the stocks on his typewriter.

"I knew I should never have left you in charge of the rubber bands!"

'Can you dance?'

"Naps. Do you have anything in naps?"

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

Can You Dance?

'I love your 'never-say-never' attitude, but we never hired you.'

Hang In There, Baby!

'Special skills? Well, I've been told I make a mean martini!'

'I'd prefer to work from home. I'm under house arrest.'