Office Life Warriors Gifts

'I won't be taking any more calls today. I threw my phone out the window.'

"Yes Sir, I'm still working on the 'ins and outs' of their proposal."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'Do you remember when our time away from the office was our time...'

"You've proven your worth a hundred times over. Let's try for a thousand."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

'Salaries Manager. No.'

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Some days at work can be more challenging than others.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"Be careful what you wish for, Bob, because you just might get it. And if it happens to be what I was wishing for, things could get pretty ugly around here."

"The president demands that staff take responsibility for failures, and the multi-trillion deficit is down to YOU!"

Busy Workload Today and Especially Tomorrow

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

Working Late

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

"(Huff) Here's (huff) your (huff) tea (huff... huff... huff... huff...)" "I will almost certainly regret asking you this, but what on earth are you doing, you cretin?" "All (huff) across America, (huff) office workers are ditching (huff) their desks and walking (huff) on treadmills while they work." "Can I get some water?" "Coming right up." "Good thing I wore my tripping shoes."

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'