Office Warrior Gifts

Out of Focus Group

"Youngsters these days are spoilt,apart from the triple-bypass,five divorces,4 estranged children and cirrhosis working 80 hours a week never did me any harm."

'Miss Johnson, would you mind ordering me another computer? And you can cancel that call to tech-support.'

Office Ergonomics.

'I am trying to achieve a work-life balance'

'I want to thank each of you for coming through in the clutch, putting in some overtime and seeing this project through to completion.'

In-tray, Out-tray, While you were on holiday-tray

'Keep practicing, Johnson. You have to learn to jump through all of them at the same time.'

"All this namby pamby nonsense about stress...I've been stressed for YEARS and it's never done ME any harm... " "But you're only 25!"

'If you really must know, I didn't give you a bonus this year because you're small,weak and I know I can take you.'

Conference Rooms - Cell phones being handed in.

"This is Roscoe. He's in Accounts Receivable."

"I'm not coming home, Jennifer. I live here now."

In and Out Tray

'It's probably just something you picked up at the office.'

"We will MAKE the problem fit our solution."

"This is bad work, Edwards! Bad! Bad! Bad! Bad!"

'Here's Arthur now - I'll put him on. I guess he must have had a board of directors' meeting.'

'No, I didn't get the promotion again: It's hard to build a career when you're on Maternity Leave every few months...'

'Not only did we drop the ball, but we then let it roll out our window of opportunity.

"And to think all these years you've worried about some boy wonder taking over your job."

'At least I don't have his life.'

'Wish you would've warned me about this. I hate getting ambushed.'

"It's his first day back at work."

"Let's go around the room and say what we should be doing other than sitting in this meeting."

"I have my standards even if they're only industry standards."

"I'm told that you respond very well to intimidation."

Merci In-Tray and Merde Out -Tray.

'You need to be more persistent. Now, get out of here and keep coming back until you've worn me down.'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'I found out it really is a chain of command and not a chain of suggestion.'

"I'm not a machine, Deborah. I can't just turn my greed on and off."

"Just identifying weak members of the herd."

"You should have anticipated some push back!"

Subordinate Employee