Workplace Warrior Gifts

"As you can see from the flow chart, the problem stems from a lack of direction."

'A mediator hasn't worked, so I brought in everyone's moms.'

"On reflection i think i could have coped with just 340' feedback."

'I fear we may have strayed from the agenda somewhat.'

"Today's top priority is prioritizing our priorities."

"I think I should warn you that the flip side of our generous bonus-incentive program is capital punishment."

'I can't believe you'd accuse us of age discrimination. At your age, you ought to know better.'

'In the ineterest of overcoming my reluctance to delegate, starting Monday i want you to do all my worrying for me.'

'I tried to warn him - garbage in, garbage out.'

'We like to greet our Regulatory Compliance hires with one word - help.'

Health and Safety

'Go ahead and dig, you said! what are the odds there's a pipe right there, you said!'

"Well, I've finished the project on time and on budget!" "That means I've given you too much time and too much money!"

"You mean all those part time, temporary, no-benefits employees quit??? Where's that old fashioned company loyalty?"

PAYMASTER, 'Just to be on the safe side, we withheld EVERYTHING this week.'

"It's not what you do, it's what people see that counts"

"I'm concerned, Larry. All you seem to do lately is put out fires and run around like a..."

"When did you say you left school?"

I wish I'd taken that teamwork seminar.

'If you bothered to check the text messages on your mobile you'd find that I fired you over a month ago !'

"It takes good management to keep good people."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

"Go to accounting and crunch the numbers people."

"You were 3 minutes late for work today, Jennings. Bruno here, my office manager, doesn't like it when employees are late for work."

"Have you got a hand free to help me?"

'I'd love to pay you what you're worth Simpson, but I'm tied by the minimum wage now.'

'If he has a pulse, hire him!'

",,,and what's more Pearson, it hasn�t gone unnoticed that you're not meeting deadlines"

'As my subordinate, naturally I expect you to take the heat on things that otherwise would make me uncomfortable.'

'Remember, Spike, he gets a 1/2 hour lunch. One minute more and you attack!'

Sign - CAN DO "I like your attitude, Harris."

'It's just a familiarity we like to go through with new employees.'

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'All I'm saying, is that whenever I bring up sexual tension, it seems to create a lot of tension.'