Working Warrior Gifts

'I work two jobs so I can afford to raise the family I never have time to see.'

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

'It's a chart of office morale. This is where you went on vacation.'

"In high school, I was quite the star in metal shop."

"Give a sh*t" "Don't give a sh*t"

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

37 years in the same position.

"I think I'll be late back for tea. . . about a week."

"How's your insomnia?" "Bad, I can't even fall sleep during meetings."

Low-Energy Drinks

Man sees sign as he exits bathroom: 'Employees Often Wash Hands'.

Tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tock, tick-tick, tock-tock, tickety-tick tock ….

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

Hand Sanitizer Man, beloved superhero of every workplace in the world.

'How many times have I told to seize the day before it seizes you?'

'I had no idea aspirin came in such a large bottle.'

'I went to my boss and demanded the fruits of my labor. He gave me a Blackberry.'

'Go right in -- he's expecting you.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

'Did you just show your teeth at me Wilson?'

"You are being overly-defensive again, Brenda!"

'Don't worry about the company's pension plan. The way we work you, you'll be lucky to live that long!'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Here's another one that'll make you blow your stack.'

'The boss put his picture up to enspire us. But it just isn't having that effect on me.'

'It's 930am ma'am - time to meet the Board of Detractors.'

'Please leave the light on, dear. I'm afraid there might be OSHA inspectors under the bed.' 'Managers at Night.'

"The little engine that could... after taking advantage of family connections, a trust fund, working two years for free as an intern, and finally getting hired as an independent contractor."

Laptop Dancing.

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

Five doors: Push, Pull, Up High, Down Low, Too Slow.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

'Would you be interested in attending a stress management seminar?'